Love in Amish country comes with rules that might surprise anyone unfamiliar with their traditions. These customs may seem unusual to outsiders, but they’ve shaped Amish relationships for generations in ways few truly understand.
No Public Displays of Affection
Holding hands, hugging, or sneaking a quick kiss—none of that happens in Amish courtship. The Amish believe love should be private, rooted in respect and modesty. Even after marriage, couples rarely express affection that others can see, maintaining a sense of reverence around their relationship. This restraint reinforces the idea that genuine love and connections are built on shared values, expectations, and a deep understanding of one another, rather than mere displays.
Bundling
This old-fashioned custom allows a courting couple to spend the night together—fully clothed, with strict rules in place. The idea is to encourage conversation and emotional bonding without any physical intimacy. Some communities take extra precautions, such as using a wooden divider or sewing the suitor into a unique bag to prevent temptation. Bundling serves as an innovative way for couples to deepen their emotional connections while adhering to community standards.
Rumspringa
At around age 16, Amish youth enter Rumspringa, a period during which they can explore life outside their culture. They can try out modern things and attend parties before deciding to be baptized into the Amish church. This period offers a prime opportunity for courtship as well, allowing young people to meet their future spouses. Rumspringa is crucial in developing a robust sense of identity before they fully commit to their community.
Sunday Night Singings
Sunday evenings are prime time for courtship. Unmarried men and women gather in a barn or home to sing hymns and socialize under the watchful eye of their elders. There’s no pressure and no speed dating—just slow, meaningful connections formed through faith, family, and, of course, a few old-fashioned love songs. These gatherings create a warm atmosphere that fosters relationships grounded in shared beliefs and values.
Parental Approval
Dating in the Amish community is about uniting two families. Parental approval is key before any courtship gets serious. Amish parents don’t arrange marriages, but they offer strong guidance. Factors such as a potential suitor’s work ethic, religious commitment, and family background are all carefully considered. This collaborative approach emphasizes the importance of family bonds in the matchmaking process.
Attending Church Together
One of the clearest signs that a couple is serious is when they sit together in church. This act symbolizes that their relationship is based on faith more than anything else. Since church attendance is central to Amish life, they believe that a couple that prays together stays together, solidifying the religious foundation that underpins their union.
Limited Use of Technology
Many Amish communities don’t allow phones or the Internet, meaning that couples rely on handwritten letters and church gatherings to stay connected. If a young man is keen to express his interest, he might visit a girl’s home late at night for a supervised conversation under the watchful eyes of her parents. This limitation on technology fosters deeper conversations and connections, as couples are compelled to engage meaningfully without digital distractions.
No Gifts or Tokens
The Amish adhere to the belief that love isn’t about material things. Acts of service, kind words, and time spent together hold far more significance than any store-bought gift. Wedding gifts, like homemade quilts or handcrafted furniture, are practical and often given by family and friends rather than purchased by the couple themselves. This focus on meaningful gestures enhances their relationships and community ties.
No Photographs
If an Amish couple shares a special moment, they won’t have a selfie to capture it. They avoid photographs because they believe pictures encourage pride and vanity. Consequently, no engagement photos, wedding albums, or dating snapshots can be found in their lives. This practice reflects their commitment to humility and the essence of shared moments rather than a desire to show off.
No Engagement Rings
An Amish engagement doesn’t come with a shiny diamond. In fact, engagement rings aren’t part of the tradition. They see rings as unnecessary symbols of wealth and pride, which contradict their values. Once a couple decides to marry, they often keep it quiet for several months, focusing on the sanctity of their relationship rather than public announcements.
Homemade Wedding Attire
Forget designer wedding gowns—the Amish bride makes her dress, often in shades of purple or blue instead of traditional white. The dress is simple, modest, and free from lace or embellishments, while grooms wear plain attire consisting of black pants, a vest, and a white shirt. This approach emphasizes practicality and modesty over extravagance, aligning with their communal values and beliefs.
Celery at Weddings
Celery is a staple at wedding feasts! It can be found in soups, casseroles, and even as table decorations. Families grow extra celery in their gardens in preparation for such events, and legends suggest that celery symbolizes fertility and abundance. This food choice highlights their connection to agriculture and the importance of community contributions in celebrating events.
Weddings at Home
The Amish prioritize family gatherings over fancy church aisles or grand ballrooms. Weddings typically take place at the bride’s family home, often in a barn or a spacious room filled with loved ones. The guest list can reach over 300 people, with everyone contributing to make the occasion memorable. This communal effort reinforces their close-knit community values and the significance of family in shaping their lives.
No Honeymoon
Newlywed Amish couples often remain where they are, diving immediately into daily life. Following their wedding, they may spend their first few weeks visiting family and friends to thank them for attending. This practice underscores that marriage is about building a future together, beginning with the responsibilities and joys of everyday life.
Living with Parents Post-Wedding
Starting married life typically means moving back in with the bride’s parents. This arrangement provides practical benefits, allowing newlyweds to save money while adjusting to life together. The extra hands help with household chores, with the community often assisting in building their first home. This communal support strengthens their bonds and ensures a smooth transition into married life.